Rob Bugden: Ten years on from the accident that changed my life

To mark the tenth anniversary of the accident that changed his life, RAF Benevolent Fund ambassador and former RAF parachute instructor Rob Bugden writes a letter himself, as he lay in a hospital bed thousands of miles from home. Ten years on, Rob reflects on loss, resilience and the enduring support from the Fund, with honesty, humour and hope.

To me,

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to write because I’m 10 years on from where you are right now and I know what’s awaiting you. I’m not going to go into much detail now, as you will learn what happened over the coming months but, in a nutshell, you were in the sky, your canopy was all good and now you’re here, in critical care in St Joseph’s Hospital, Phoenix, Arizona. 

I won’t lie mate, you’re in a hell of mess and I have some very difficult things to tell you. It’s okay though, your family and friends are with you now and have been all along. To reassure you, I should tell you I’m writing this from our living room with our furry pal Denzel cwtched up next to you on the sofa. He’s a Spaniel! He won’t come into your life for about four years, but I promise, he is worth the wait and he changes your life in so many ways. 

At the minute you need help to breathe, you’re being fed through a tube, your heart rate is dangerously low and you’re paralysed. Being paralysed won't change, I’m sorry to tell you, but everything else can and will improve. Life is going to be hugely different from now on and you’re going to have to learn to do the basic things all over again, like feeding yourself. It’s a long, gruelling process. Other things you will never be able to do again without help, and some things will become a far-off dream. 

There are some dark days ahead and I’ll be honest; I still have them now. With every step forward you’ll get knocked back five. But with every tear comes a belly full of laughs and you’ll never go through any of this on your own. Although you’ll never walk or run again, you’ll still tow the start line in Oxford, Cardiff, Swansea and London, with an amazing group of people next to you.

You’re going to live with care for the rest of your life (a lot of it very personal), which you will find unbearable, and it will come close to breaking you at times. But it doesn’t – you overcome it. You’re able to go to rugby, gigs and most importantly of all, support your friends on the biggest days of their lives: their wedding days.

Mate, it won’t be straight away, but you’re going to have to leave the RAF. I know it’s not what you want and not a day goes by when you don’t wish things were different. However, you will always be a part of the RAF Family, and that role continues through the RAF Benevolent Fund. The Fund supported you from the very beginning, and they found and adapted an amazing home for you to live independently. You become an ambassador for the Fund, sharing your story to raise awareness of the support available for serving personnel, veterans and their families, inspiring others going through challenging times.  

There are so many reasons for getting up every morning, even on the days when you still don’t want to and you don’t think you can go on. I know I keep going on about them, but your friends and family get you through and I am so thankful for everything they do for you. Then, of course, there is your four-legged friend, Denzel, who doesn’t care you’re in a wheelchair or that you need someone to hoist you to bed every night, he just loves you for being you – and because you take him to the beach!

I’ll leave you by saying “life’s just a game of inches”, so stay in the fight and remember you’re never alone.

Rob